Crescent moon was up on the sky. Mahesh looked hopelessly into the horizon. Another week was looming and he always hated the fleeting feelings of Sunday. He worked as a junior accountant and his day seems to be a never ending repetition. There was nothing new to be excited for except for the heartless numbers that he churned day in and out.
Mahesh lived alone. He just turned
twenty and barely made enough money to pay bills and rent. He also put
some money to pay his grandmother’s elderly home. His grandmother raised
him as his mother died young and father, who remarried, wanted nothing
to do with him. There was no inheritance to launch him to a better
career or to a university to get a bachelors. So he survived by having a
professional course, obtained fairly quickly for his age, on
accounting.
Mahesh led a solitary life. His meager earnings
disallowed him to even look for a partner. Dating was an expensive game.
He was embarrassingly shy with women and always thought of him as a
creature unseen or unnoticed by them. Despite his insecurities, he was
fair and lean. Poor but well dressed. Some girls infant liked him but he
never discerned their signs. Mahesh was content with his life. He had
limited expectations and, in a way, has managed to find pleasure all by
himself.
Mahesh had begun the Monday morning by enjoying
himself: he had enjoyed playing few fantasies he has been building up.
In some , he was with an attractive lady but in most others he was the
attractive lady. But he had to end his play in a hurry as Colombo
traffic was unforgiving and he always found himself arriving late. He
usually hid behind a corner cubicle and carried on his tasks. They were
so mundane and he usually got through them by noon. Mahesh secretly read
few blogs that fueled his fantasies till the clock hit 5 when he
clocked out. Sometimes, few of the office goers would bug him to join
them for a drink. They were alright but he couldn’t hold his liquor much
and had an embarrassing habit of sleeping.
Mahesh’s idea of
future was blank. He had no plans. Maybe that was how future should
always be. Something uncertain. Something on which you can’t really
plan. If someone asked him where he would see himself in five years, he
would have been dumbstruck. Maybe this chronic lack of planning was a
blessing in disguise as no plan would have ever worked along the lines
of the plan that fate had in store for him.
It all started when
he was reading a secret blog called Baroness Gloria, a tale of a man
forced to live like a woman by a scheming relative. This was one of his
favorite blogs and he always went back to this to kill time. While
reading this as the clock stroked 3 , Mahesh felt a shiver of cold
horror going through his spine. Mrs. Radha , big boss of everyone was
behind him and as he turned to her , she left with a smile. Mahesh was
mortified. Did she see what I read , he thought. Probably not. There was
no time.
He was on the private browsing mode but he knew they
could always bring up what he searched if they wanted to. But was it
illegal? Content surely not, he thought. They could still fire him for
slacking during work hours. His forehead was sweaty.
Yet nothing happened for a month.
Saturday
was Mahesh’s favorite day cause the next day was Sunday. He liked to do
nothing on Saturday and got irritated even by a call. He liked to think
of himself as a loaf of bread on Saturday. Not thinking of numbers that
sometimes intruded even his dreams and not being bugged by anyone at
his fortress of solitude made him very happy and peaceful. But his
peace was short-lived as sharp at 9 in the morning when the rays of the
sun were intruding enough to get him up ,sweating from his bed, he got a
phone call.
“Hello” answered Mahesh
“Hold on for Mrs. Radhakrishnan” said a low voice and Mahesh’s heart sank.
A
fear that he never knew before held him tight. It was so unexpected and
caught him off guard. Truth be told, he could not have been prepared
for this anyway.
“Hello Mahesh” familiar voice of Mrs. Radha.
Familiar in the sense of company meetings, overhearing her on hallways,
or seeing her on television.
“Listen, I want to talk to you. And it can’t be done from phone. This is nothing alarming. Just a friendly chat.”
She
was commanding and direct. However, there was an assurance in her tone
that led Mahesh to believe that his job might be , just might be,
alright.
Mahesh got onto a taxi. He was dressed as if he was
going to the office. Despite the reassurance he gave to himself he was
nervous. More nervous than when he went to meet her for the first time
after getting through first few interviews. Mrs. Radha lived in an
opulent part of Colombo unseen from any bus route that Mahesh ever took.
He was stopped at a sentry point of a giant gate and was let in
courteously saying that Mrs. Radha was expecting him. He went inside
into the green gardens, passing a pond where a solitary statue of Greek
origins was contemplating, into a mansion unlike any Mahesh had ever
seen before.
“Mahesh” said Mrs. Radha
“I’m so glad that you came”
“It’s no trouble Ma’am. Hope everything is alright”
“Yes. Now that you are here. Everything will be”
A
customary tea was offered. There was a scent of lavender in the house. A
scent of hope of a coming spring. Mrs. Radha briefly asked Mahesh about
how he is. About his family.
“You have a good heart. Keeping your grandmother well attended. I heard that she lost her memory”
Mahesh
was startled at the fact that she knew about his family. Not just an
innocent little detail like a name or where they lived but somethings
very private.
“Don’t be alarmed child. I had to look into who you are”
“If I may ask, why Ma’am?”
“I
think you might need something stronger to hear what I propose Mahesh”
said Mrs. Radha and poured a generous shot of a Cognac from an elegant
bottle.
Mahesh was certain that he would not have ever opened a
bottle if it was that intricately detailed and was of a shape of a swan.
It was not his habit to drink without diluting it with a cola
or water but he knew that it was not appreciated here. What followed was
an uneasy sipping of a cognac followed with the most bizarre
proposition ever made to him. It seemed that Mrs. Radha widowed and
childless had a favorite nephew that she planned to handover the family
business. Radha Group was an old one steeped in tradition. Men wore
formal and women wore Saree. In the community, Radhakrishnan family were
leaders, top donors , and role models for many. Unfortunately for Mrs.
Radha, her nephew Krishan was a bachelor at 30 and marrying him was not a
solution despite been a very eligible bachelor. Krishan was
uninterested in any sexual activity and many of his affairs had ended in
heartbreaks for the women involved.
Mahesh was trying his best to hide his enthusiasm and show a sympathetic face.
“It’s not easy for people like him and you Mahesh” said Mrs. Radha
“Excuse me Ma'am?” protested Mahesh
“Please Mahesh. I know you are different. And that’s why what I propose might be of intrigue”
What she proposed was indeed of intrigue and much more than that.
“Mahesh I want you to be the wife of my nephew”
Mahesh
thought the old woman had lost it. Crazy. He knew rich people had an
element of craziness in them. Old rich people might have amplified that
craziness in many folds he thought.
“You might be thinking I’m
crazy. But I saw what you were reading. And I checked your history. Not
just browsing history Mahesh” said Mrs. Radha straightening her glasses.
“Never had an affair for more than few months. Yet quite content with yourself”
Then
she handed him an envelope. In it contained the horrors and blatant
violations of privacy. Pictures of him cleaning his apartment in a
dress, wearing a saree and cooking, and most horribly a photo of him
trying to fit into a school girl dress. All acts done in secret in the
last few weeks had been properly captured.
“Please forgive me dear child. I just had to know” said Mrs. Radha.
“I am not judging you. And I want to give you a chance to embrace this side of yours that you seem to be suppressing. ”
Mahesh was silent and deep in shock. He was worried that she might hear his accelerated heart beat. She continued,
“what I offer is a chance to live the way you want, all of your money issues takes care of, your grandmother taken care of”
Mahesh was still silent.
“You
will be trained of course of necessities and realities of a woman’s
life. This will not be something that you can walk back of. So I need
you to think about this”.
Mahesh’s jaw dropped.
“Shhh.
You need not to tell me your answer now. Also , remember that I have
these pictures of you so you may not speak of this with anyone else as
well. Now go. I give you a month to think”
Days went by slowly. Thoughts were vague
and abstract. Netflix shows on vice, crime or misery which he used to
kill time could not give him a moment of respite anymore. Even before
Mrs.Radha offered this “deal” , he had played such situations in his
drematorium and had always accepted the “deal”. In some of his most
vivid dreams, he was a prince against whom a horrid plot had played;
noble sentiments confounded him ; and he somehow became a Queen to save
the kingdom in a most strange compromise. However, he had managed to
keep most of his vivid fantasies to his imagination and live a normal,
albeit boring, life. It was such a life that if it was a graph it would
be a straight line going all the way till he died. What he can be and
achieve was all predetermined in a flawed system in a flawed country.
But now he was presented with another axis entirely to his graph which
he could not fathom. An offer that would remove all burdens be them
financial or sexual.
It was the first Saturday after the
eventful encounter. Mahesh made his morning coffee and opened a window. A
crow flew in the distance, sun was slowly rising out of its slumber,
and a dog yawned on all four paws. He wanted to go for a run as it was a
Saturday but could not find any motivation to leave. He thought of
calling one of his friends and to do something manly. At that exact
time, Chamidu called to ask him if he was free for a Cricket match.
Perfect ! thought Mahesh. Finally , I can let go of this crazy thoughts.
He head out after having a quick breakfast – jam and bread.
“Hey hey my man” said Chamidu.
Playground
was a school ground in Dehiwala. Surface was rough and much of the
outfield was overgrown with weed. Mahesh, slim built, and not athletic
enough for any track and field or strenuous physical activity, but was
surprisingly good at cricket. He was a bowler and could focus just on
delivering a ball with an accuracy that made the batters very uneasy. He
felt happy looking at the ground as even if he bowled bad, grass will
prevent ball from travelling far and scoring against him. After waiting
for another thirty minutes for rest of the players, some of whom arrived
cursing after being forced to come on a Saturday morning, to show up.
Yet
this day, despite the odds were in his favor, Mahesh found his aim
wavering. Speed declining. He was hit for multiple sixers and was the
reason of losing one match that was a sure win. His friends did not mind
but he excused to everyone’s surprise and head home.
Mahesh had a
shower and relived the built up anxiety. He thought of becoming a
daughter, a maid, or even a slave to Mrs. Radha. He thought of her
offer. He thought of wearing female garments of modern and traditional
fashions without any reservations.
He felt happy after but felt
still highly aroused. Mahesh knew that his body wanted this, his mind
wanted this, and his whole self wanted this.
Shakingly he
dialed the number. He wanted Mrs. Radha to offer him a trial. Maybe a
day or a week. Heck even jobs have a probationary period.
Phone
was ringing on the other end and suddenly he felt the need to cut the
call and forget about the whole thing but before his finger moved Mrs.
Radha answered.
“Mahesh, How are you”
“I’m fine ma’am”
“Please don’t be so formal. Whatever you may have decided, we are going to be friends”
This mere sentence eased Mahesh’s thoughts and he answered.
“I would be willing to try it out”
“Well, I would need a more stronger guarantee than that Mahesh. But this is a start”
Arrangements
were swiftly made for him to move to one of her bungalows in
Nuwaraeliya. This she said was for the best as it would provide much
needed privacy for Mahesh to explore his feminine self and for Mrs.
Radha to ascertain that he is suitable to become the “she” that would
fill the puzzle of family’s continuity. She promised that it would most
certainly be a probation and Mahesh doesn’t have to be scared of
confines of any contractual agreement. It is all based on “trust”.
Mahesh
got his instructions from Mrs. Radha’s secretary. He was told not to
pack anything. Not even a tooth brush. Less the better is what she said.
And he is to have a governess; a girl named Erandi who will pick him up
tomorrow morning. Mrs. Radha offered to make it seem that he was moved
abroad to study as per company’s newly minted plan to properly create
management executives.
Mahesh climaxed in his fantasies three
more times that day and had a hard time sleeping. He put his alarm at
5:30 in the morning as Erandi was supposed to pick him sharp at 6 as
they wanted to avoid the Kandy road traffic that sets up early due to
weekend getaway drivers looking to find cooler climates in the
mountains.
Mahesh was still in a slumber when he got up and
turned off the alarm. Whenever he was to go on a trip in the morning,
his main priority was to empty his bowels. He spent most of half an hour
in the washroom and got out of his house as the clock stroke 6.
A small Suzuki Jimny jeep flashed its lights and stopped near him.
“Mahesh” said a girl with a husky voice.
“Jump in. I’m Erandi”
There
was something in her voice that made Mahesh uneasy. Her voice was calm
but commanding. She seemed more sterner than the graceful Mrs. Radha.
“We got to make one small stop before we go. Is that ok?” asked Erandi.
“That’s totally fine” said Mahesh as he fastened his seatbelt.
“Ok then. Can you drive btw?
“No never learned”
“That’s totally fine” said Erandi.
“Not all girls learn.”
“All girls” words echoed in his head. A categorization she made without any delay which included him. Mahesh was shocked.
They
drove for about 10 minutes and stopped at a small two story house in
the Marine Drive. Entire street was empty except for a few morning
joggers.
“Come on in” said Erandi.
“One thing though Mahesh. We need to change your clothes. Your journey begins from here”
A
small stout woman led Mahesh into a small room. In it was an assortment
of clothes from pantie, black bra, and a black garb which Mahesh in his
horror recognized as a hijab. Things were moving too quickly for
Mahesh.
“There is only a little time to prep you to wear anything. So this full hijab will do for now”
“Now undress”
Mahesh
was stunned for a minute. There was no way in which would undress in
front of two women. Besides his male member was rebelling against his
denim.
“Now Mrs. Radha said you would be cooperative. And I don’t want to disappoint her” said Erandi with a stern look.
Mahesh
was confounded with ecstasy and fear. He slowly removed his t shirt,
dropped his jean, and reluctantly removed his underwear. The stout woman
was smiling slightly at the sight of his erect member. She handed him a
black underwear which did nothing to help him control his excited
penis. Erandi helped him wear the bra. As soon as she clasped it behind,
she quickly pulled down the black garb over his head. This all took
less than two minutes and for Mahesh it felt even shorter.
“Before I set everything else up, do you want to use the washroom?” she asked.
“No I’m good” said Mahesh in a dreamlike trance. Question of what else to be worn did not even come to him.
“Ok no stops till we make it”
Next
she got a bag under the bed. Stout woman asked Mahesh to sit in the bed
while she set his dark veil. Mahesh now , from head to toe, was under
the black garb worn in the most conservative of societies. His vision
was humbled by the veil. He felt restricted by the garments.
Then he saw Erandi taking a chains and manacles.
“Sorry
but this is needed for your own benefit. Sometimes, we make a decision
and it’s the right one. But we unfortunately try to change it” said she
while attaching the small chain to Mahesh’s legs.
“So I’m try to keep you from not betraying your own self. Second guessing is never good” said Erandi
She explained that although he may not understand why he had to be restricted now, he will do so in future.
“Is this really needed” asked Mahesh in a half hearted protest.
“Try and walk” said Erandi ignoring him.
He
could only make small steps and had to be careful of not tipping over.
Erandi was satisfied. Next she got a small ball gag ,and before he could
utter another protest, expertly shoved it in his mouth and tied it
muffling him. Small stout woman adjusted his Hijab to conceal the oblong
object in his mouth and slowly led him to the vehicle.
He
fastened the seat belts and looked at himself in a hijab with his feet
shackled. A play that was even richer than his imagination was taking
place and he was the central character in it. Erandi got into the
drivers seat and asked him to show his hands. She quickly slapped a
handcuffed and gave him a small bag to cover it. She smiled.
“We are all set to leave now girl”.
Their ride was a silent one. Erandi
focused on driving while Mahesh unable to speak with gag was left alone
with his thoughts. Mahesh remembered the first time he tried on a dress.
And it had been for a play at his school. He remembered how the kids
said that he was “too” natural. They joked and joked and he felt
ashamed. But this experience changed him. It was almost as if he found a
line in the sand, and unintentionally crossed it. This were never the
same again. And now he was crossing another more prominent line and this
time the change would be more than ever.
Erandi drove fast but
careful. Roads were winding, narrow, and sometimes were too close to the
steep falls. By the time morning sun has risen and traffic was building
they had made good time. As the mid day sun hung merciless above, they
reached their destination. Mahesh saw a secluded old house at a small
hill overlooking an amazing landscape. It was a type of an old manor
house with an enduring majesty of the colonial days that kept alive by
the Radhakrishnan fortune. This house was to be his new home for a
while.
Erandi parked the car and closed the gate. Mahesh,
restrained, waited until he was relived. She opened the door and led him
out still with shackles and gag. They entered the house opening the
majestic old door that creaked and complained at this disturbance of
peace. Interior of the house was well kept. Wood paneled floor and
ceilings were dotted with antique pieces of furniture. Windows let in
the light filtered by laced curtains. A couch, a white wooden staircase,
and statues of deities that Mahesh could not recognize occupied the
living room.
“Let me help you a bit” said Erandi. She removed the gag and the handcuffs. Mahesh touched and soothed his jaw.
“Sorry about that. Just precautions”
Mahesh
wanted to ask if she would remove shackles on his foot but decided
against it. He found himself enjoying, to his own bewilderment, feeling
of restrained by this intimidating girl.
“We made good time. It’s good because we still got a lot to do” said Erandi.
“Let me show your room”
“Careful with the stairs now”
Erandi
helped her as he took calculated steps and climbed up through the old
staircase that creaked with every step. It felt as if the whole house
creaked. Garments and shackles worked together like magic and made
Mahesh feel helpless to whatever fate had in store for him. Erandi
opened the door and showed him his spacious new room. It hosted a bed
covered with a pink bedsheet, a large vanity mirror, and an antique
wardrobe. It was a room fit for a queen. He was sure that the wardrobe
was already packed with items of fashion that they chose for him. This
was an experience that will simply not go away when he gets up next day.
Ernadi helped him undress completely after finally removing his
leg irons. She told him to just wet his body enough in the shower. She
handed him a cream that he should put generous amounts on and leave for
at least ten minutes. Mahesh did just that and Erandi came with a razor
and did an expert work on removing his body hair in matter of minutes.
Although, not hairy Mahesh was amazed at the sight of his naked skin now
completely devoid of any trace of hair. He felt as if he was fairer
than he was. His long legs were smooth and almost had a slight shine.
Erandi left him alone to finish the shower. After the relaxing shower,
Mahesh saw that he only had the towel. He wrapped it around his waist
and returned to his room.
“Girls tie the towel around here” said
Erandi. Unraveled the towel exposing all his marbles and wrapped it
again above his chest.
“You can wear something you like today. Everyday clothes are on the left side ok” said Erandi
Mahesh’s
heart was pounding. It was happening a lot today. First , at the touch
of cold steel that made his walk modest, next at the thrust of ball gag
that muffled his voice, and now at being asked to dress. He opened the
wardrobe and saw an assortment that would have made any girl’s jaw drop.
He tried not to think of all the possibilities but looked at what
awaited him to wear everyday. There were neatly folded skirts, dresses,
and well ironed blouses hanging. He opened a drawer in the middle and
found undergarments. He felt rushed. Maybe Erandi wanted him to be
quick. He picked a basic black pantie and a bra. He was still not used
to clasping the bra behind as a woman would. Ad hoc clandestine sessions
had not given this memory to his muscles. His bra was cotton one and
it’s cup were cushioned to give a small mound even for a one who had a
flat chest. He liked skirts better than dresses but to match it with a
blouse would be difficult. He didn’t want to embarrass himself with an
unseeming choice of garments. He opted for a simple black dress with
floral print on it. He unzipped it and pulled it down. It snugged at his
abdomen and with some effort he managed to zip it back.
At this moment Erandi came back to the room unannounced. It seemed that this “room” of his was devoid of sanctity of privacy.
“Ahhh. Good choice”
She inspected him.
“Wearing a bra also” she said smiling.
“Please don’t tease. I thought I need to have one” said Mahesh riveting with embarrassment.
She tugged at the bra strap and released.
“Aww” said Mahesh and smiled.
Erandi opened the wardrobe and got a white petticoat.
“Dress
is very lose at the bottom you see. You get lot of free movement, but
we don’t need that now” said she as she helped him to pull up the tight
petticoat.
Immediately, Mahesh felt the garment restricting him.
“Very good” said Erandi.
She
pulled back his hair with a band. There was nothing much to be done
with it. They both looked at the mirror and Mahesh was amazed at what
looked back at him. He was a convincing girl albeit a tomboy.
“Ok I think this is fine for today”
“Now I need to have a wash”
She asked Mahesh to come to the bed. She took out a handcuff and quickly cuffed one of his arms to the bed frame.
“Is this needed?” asked Mahesh.
“I’m dressed as a girl and I’m not going anywhere”.
“Maybe. But I don’t know you enough” said Erandi.
She
left the room locking him in. Mahesh was erect and elated. A day ago he
was in his shorts watching Netflix without a t-shirt. Now, dressed in a
gown, petticoat, and a “bra” he is cuffed to an antique bed and locked
in. He could not believe his luck. He was living his wildest fantasy and
was worried that he would be woken up. He felt ashamed of thinking this
way. Feeling this way. Man in him was vulgar and violent. He wanted to
be free of this shackles and clothing of the opposite gender. But give
it another day , said Mahesh to himself. What wonder may await him?
Despite been dragged at opposing sides, despite being in a continuous
state of ecstasy, Mahesh was tired after the road trip in which he was
uncomfortable and restrained. On the comfort of a bed that put all
other beds that he ever slept on before, including one comfortable one
at Hilton, to shame and a pillow made from feathers of softest kind,
Mahesh fell asleep surrendering himself to this fantastical day.
Mahesh woke up feeling unsure what time
it was. He was shocked to see that he had fallen asleep even without
dinner. A new day had loomed. Sunlight crept through the lace curtains,
illuminating a room far grander than Mahesh was used to. He got up
slowly. His bra strap had fallen, but he instinctively fixed it.
However, his hair, which was long compared to most of their friends, was
an unruly disaster. Their dress was crumpled and wrinkled. They weren't
pleased with the person they saw in the mirror.
What awaits me
today? He thought. Are these feelings natural. Should a naturally born
man succumb to such desires and urges. Shouldn’t he have gone for
something like therapy to counter these feelings that he felt from
childhood. Being a man seemed simple. It was still a man’s world and
women had disproportionate barriers and inequalities. He did not know
the four walls of the agreement that he had made with his benevolent
captors. “What do they want from me” , “What is their end game” he
thought. Suddenly, Mahesh felt an urge just to run away. He went to the
window, but it was barred with iron bars, and he heard keys jingling as
Erandi came into his room, breaking his thought pattern e went to the
window, but it was barred with iron bars, and he heard keys jingling as
Erandi came into his room, breaking his thought pattern.
Mahesh
tried to compose himself and put on a brave face. He wondered what
Erandi would be like. She was pretty, but he had not spoken to her much.
He hoped she would be kind.
"Good morning, Mahesh,"
“Admiring the view?”
“Was just looking around.”
“You slept the whole evening and night. Felt a shame to wake you so I let you be.”
“Thanks, I guess”
“Will you do your morning stuff? I’ll come back in an hour, and we can get ready ok.”
Mahesh
nodded. His fears were coming true right in front of him but e wanted
to see this day through. An overpowering desire gave him an edge over
his fears .He wanted to have this day from the morning to night.
Dressed, pampered, and trained to be a girl. His skin was already
shining, and his tall legs looked elegant. His face did not have a trace
of facial hair. All he wanted was a wash , brush, and other morning
duties done and be present to this governess of his to be made into the
object of his dreams.
Mahesh was lost in thought but quickly
finished getting ready. He even tried to make his unruly hair
presentable. His long hair was enough to cover his ears. His best
presentable look now was a tomboy.
Erandi came on time.
“What is your religion, Mahesh.”
He was startled at the randomness of her questions and actions.
“Ima Buddhist”
Erandi went to the closet.
“Mrs. Radha wanted to me to initiate this journey first by going to a temple. She’s respectful of the religion of you””
She
picked a white long petticoat, a white saree jacket, and a simple white
saree. Mahesh got uncomfortably erect just looking at the assembly of
items. First she gave a white panty, which Mahesh had trouble wearing
because of his erection, and then a white cotton bra. Everything was
sized perfectly for him. He was embarrassed of his erection but Erandi
simply tied his penis with a soft lace to a side so that it would be
flattened. They did not speak about it. Next, she asked him to get into
the petticoat. She tied the petticoat tightly with its drawstrings. The
petticoat was a size too small, effectively restricting Mahesh's
movements. Next, she helped him put on the white blouse. There was a
generous amount of abdominal area on display as the blouse was short in
length. Next came the saree itself. A nearly ironed , simple yet
elegant, ivory saree despite its modest look may have costed good money.
“You need to always put on your footwear before you wear the saree ok? This helps to perfect the length.”
Next came the lengthy tutorial where Mahesh had lot of trouble in
perfecting how to wear the saree. She had him untuck and redo the whole
process a few times. Next she got him to write the steps in a piece of
paper so that he would know this.
1. Wear your footwear first.
2. Adjust the saree around the petticoat, ensuring it is swaddled neatly around the waist.
3. Make and assemble the pleats, ensuring they fall straight and evenly just above the floor.
4. Tuck the pleats into the petticoat neatly, adjusting them slightly to the left side of the navel.
5. Use a safety pin to secure the pleats in place. Safety pins are your savior. Use as many as you can.
6. Drape the extra saree around your hips from left to right, holding the top end of the fabric.
7. Style the pallu, the decorative end of the saree that falls on the shoulder.
8. Adjust the pallu by either pleating it and pinning it to the shoulder or keeping it open and draping it over your arm.
He
was extremely pleased with how he looked in the saree. But Erandi was
not done. She opened an antique jewellery box and an ear-piercing
equipment. She asked him to sit at the chair near the vanity mirror.
“We
own few jewellery stores, so we have them ready” Erandi explained
noticing his puzzled expression at the strange looking device that
looked like a torturer’s tool.
“Will it hurt” asked Mahesh. He
was worried and also noticed that she did not ask his permission. He did
not mind getting his ears pierced but felt that it was a significant
enough thing to seek for his approval. But with Erandi, he felt
submissive. Their journey where he was shackled and gagged in a hijab
had made sure that he felt this way.
“No even little girls do this. And skin can easily grow back so it’s not permanent”
Erandi
explained that the process was quick and relatively painless, as the
stud is sharp enough to pierce the skin without causing excessive trauma
or pain. She sterilized the equipment and used disposable cartridge
that holds the piercing stud. She put it against Mahesh’s right earlobe
and then pushed through the skin with the instrument. She gave him a
cotton bud to hold it against his ear while she pierced the other. With
this done and little bit of rubbing alcohol that pinched his ear, Erandi
started with the makeup.
Erandi explained that a retro look
would be perfect for him since his saree is almost ivory. Mismatched
makeup was always a turn off with saree. To achieve a retro look, Erandi
applied minimal makeup. She wanted to get lined eyes and bold lips. She
began with foundation, and then applied black eyeliner to create a
winged look. She asked Mahesh to pick from dark red, hot red, or maroon
lipstick. He picked Maroon. Erandi explained how to apply lipstick and
told Mahesh to carry the color always in his “purse”. Next, she applied
nude shades of eye-shadow. Finally, she applied blush on the cheeks to
complete the look. She put two white bangles on each of his arms as they
were going to a temple. A modest gold stud was put to his ears as the
pain and bleeding has subsided while the makeup was done. Erandi got a
small clip-on bun and combined Mahesh’s hair to have a traditional look.
What now looked back at Mahesh was a sensational elegant lady clad in
an ivory saree. Erandi smiled.
“What a lovely girl you are” said Erandi.
In a flash she took both of his hands behind the chair and handcuffed him. He was shocked and protested.
“don’t want you to ruin the makeup by touching everywhere. I’ll quickly get ready and then we’ll go”
“Please
I won’t touch. Can you release me” said Mahesh. He wanted to walk
around in his saree. Running away was the last thing on his head and he
was hurt that Erandi did not trust him yet. Even if he ran away now, he
would have been treated as a woman.
Erandi ignored his protest.
“Now now, it won’t be for too long.”
She
locked the door and left leaving Mahesh in a helpless state of ecstasy.
He realized that he was now completely a woman, dressed from head to
toe. A constricting petticoat and saree made his movements docile, his
ears were freshly pierced and clad in gold studs, he wore a small heal,
had while bangles in his hands which were cuffed behind his back, and
his naval area exposed to all onlookers. He was living his dream but the
realization that he now had to go out like this scared him. Will people
look at him strangely, will they realize that this is man dressed as a
woman, or will this look conceal him and let him be a woman for day.
Erandi kept her promise and arrived
within few minutes that had felt like hours to Mahesh . Her makeup was
modest and she wore a denim and a white t shirt. She was beautiful,
albeit reluctantly. She uncuffed Mahesh but offered no apology. Mahesh
rubbed his hands and let the blood circulate to his wrists as they ached
from cuffed behind. Despite the uncomfortable experience of being
handcuffed, Mahesh remained in a trance.
After uncuffing Mahesh, Erandi turned her attention to the task at hand.
“You
must do everything slow in a saree. It’s not a clothing that you can
jump around. A girl must be very modest” Erandi explained.
Then
she showed Mahesh how to hold the Pallu when climbing stairs. How to
sit. And how to walk in a slow and elegant manner. Mahesh was eager to
learn ; at this point it was more to hide any trace of his manhood out
of sheer fear of discovery. After many rounds around the living room
Erandi was satisfied. Mahesh can handle a saree respectably.
“Shall we”
“Yes” Mahesh
As
they walked to the car, Erandi began to explain the intricacies of
wearing a saree. The drive to the temple was uneventful, and soon they
arrived at their destination. Road snaked around a small mountain
passing through lush tea plantation. They had lowered the windows to let
in the pure air of the hills that brushed the morning leaves of the
distant forest. The sounds of wildlife and workers filled the air, like a
slow jazz melody. It feels that the earth was welcoming Mahesh to a new
chapter of his life and preparing a ceremony.
Erandi parked the
car outside the temple. Mahesh got down slowly with one hand carrying
the pallu. He cast an elegant figure of a pious young lady. They left
their slippers in the car, as it was the custom, and entered through the
old gates to the temple which was build at a time where this part of
the land was ruled by a king. Mahesh wondered if the queen had been clad
in a white saree, like he was now, when the king had come to the
temple.
There were few monks who ignored them and went about
their morning duties. Few devotees that were cleaning the temple grounds
cast curious eyes at them but did not disturb. There was an unwritten
rule that everyone followed. Not to break anyone’s Zen in the morning
mist. Mahesh was very glad that no one made him speak in his, despite
soft, but clearly manly voice. Despite call center employees always
addressing him as 'Ma'am' when he answered the phone, Mahesh was
convinced that his voice sounded distinctly male.
Erandi gave him
a bottle of oil. He took minced step towards the Stupa, the
quintessential white mound-like structure that was the center of most
Buddhist temples, and started filling the oil lamps that were kept in
small crevices. Next with a flame from few burning sticks he started
lighting them and incense sticks. When he was bending to do this he felt
the constricting feeling of the Saree with it’s jacket hugging him
tight. He felt as if he was embraced by a manifestation of femininity.
After this was done Erandi and him went to the empty prayer hall.
“Now grab your pallu with one hand as you don’t want to sit on it” said Erandi
“With your other hands , hold your pleats and sit down but don’t do it cross legged as this is a temple”
Mahesh
sat with his legs at an angle. He was mildly uncomfortable but was
happy that he was sheltered and in an isolated part of the temple
premises. Eradi left him alone to meditate, but Mahesh felt uneasy
without her protection. He did not know how to behave if a monk, or
another person approached.
Gentle breeze caressed him carrying a
scent of Araliya flowers. Few birds were humming a tune passed down by
generations of their species. Temple was getting some activity as more
people were coming to worship. Few of them, to his great horror, were
approaching the payer hall. Mahesh assumed a meditative pose, hoping to
avoid an interaction. He closed his eyes. He heard their footsteps
closing in. Mahesh try to calm his mind. He wanted to think of a calmer
time, a less complex time, a time where he knew who he was and where he
fit in. But somewhere along the way he lost this balance. He felt like a
round peg in a world of squares. Has he now found a place that accepted
a round peg?
“Look at this girl” he heard an old woman say.
“Rare in this day eh Kanthi? Kids don’t meditate now” said the other woman.
“Doesn’t look like from around here noh. Must be from the mansion”
“shhh now. We might disturb “Her””
Mahesh
heard the footsteps moving away. Yet he remained in meditation. He used
this time to think of what he really wanted. He could feel the wind
caressing his saree. He wanted to fix his pallu. He felt the adornments
in his ear. He liked how his midriff was exposed. He felt the tight
saree jacket hugging his chest and the bra he was wearing. This was what
he wanted. At least for now. At least for this once.
“Mahesh” said Erandi.
Mahesh
opened his eyes. He couldn’t tell how long he was in meditation. Erandi
helped him get up. They hurried back to the vehicle. Erandi was also
eager to not make a scene.
“Do you like wearing a Saree” she asked on the way back.
“I think I do” said Mahesh in a low voice.
“I think they look good on you” said Erandi in agreement.
Within minutes they reached the Bungalow. Erandi closed the gate as Mahesh waited for her at the door.
“How about some tea?” asked Erandi
“That’s a good idea”
“You want to have a change first?”
“Yeah. It’s bit difficult to go around with Saree” said Mahesh smiling.
She
led Mahesh into the room and asked him to get down to the petticoat and
bra. Mahesh was a little surprised that she insisted that he kept the
long petticoat on. Was she planning on having him wear a long skirt? He
wondered. She took a green saree jacket from the closet and handed to
Mahesh.
“You need more practice” said Erandi. She had a
mischievous smile on her face. Mahesh long suspected that she enjoyed
creating small predicaments for him. Even the shackles and gags were not
needed and probably Mrs. Radhakrishnan didn’t know anything about it.
But he knew he had to obey. She was his governess after all.
He
put on the green Saree jacket and adjusted his bra straps. Erandi told
him how to drape the saree in length this time. She had him practice it
multiple times till he got it. On the sixth attempt she was satisfied
that Mahesh could don the saree in the free-flowing manner.
“Very good” said Erandi. She had the pair of handcuffs in her hand.
“Hands in front please”
This
time Mahesh protested. He did not like to be restrained for no reason.
But Erandi grabbed his hands. Mahesh tried to push her away but noticed
that she was skilled in a martial art . She overpowered him easily and
positioned his arms behind his back and cuffed them. She pushed him to
the bed. Mahesh fell to the bed helplessly wincing with pain as his arm
was twisted by her.
“this is what happens when you don’t listen to me” she said.
She
took the leg irons under the bed and fastened them to Mahesh’s saree
clad legs. Next, she got a box which contained an assortment of ball
gags and picked a one that Mahesh very much doubted that could be fit on
his mouth. Soon he was muffled by the enormous gag. She got a length of
chain. Pushed Mahesh into the middle of the bed and connected his leg
shackles and handcuffs.
“This is called a hog tie. Remember this Mahesha. This is what happens when you disobey.”
She
left without saying how long he has to endure this predicament. Mahesh
tried to move his legs but felt the whole contraption dragging his
hands. After about an hour that felt much longer Mahesh felt his arms
aching badly. He brought his legs forward as much as he can so as to not
drag his arms back. But his legs tired soon. Erandi came into the
room.
“Since this is the first time, I’m going to let you go. Are you going to behave”?
“Hmmmmpf”
Erandi released him from the hogtie. Uncuffed his hands. But kept his leg shackles.
“Hands in the front”
Mahesh obeyed. She snapped the cuffs.
“You will get used to it”
She
led him downstairs. With every step house creek. Mahesh had been aware
of all he did under the saree. Every step he made was a conscious one.
His mindfulness of his feminized self amazed himself. Erandi asked
“Mahesha” to make the tea. He straggled to the kitchen with his hobbled
feet. His hands were not easy to use and he had to open cupboards with
both hands. Open jars with difficulty. He put two mugs of tea into a
tray.
He took careful steps and went into the living room where
Erandi was patiently waiting. She helped him with the tray. They quietly
started sipping tea. Erandi said that there were no more trainings
planned for him that day and he can use the day for whatever the way he
wanted.
“We already have food prepared”
“Tomorrow we’ll start with all the housewife stuff”
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