It was Christmas time and the winter-break time from work and studies too. Everyone was in a holiday cum celebratory mood. The holiday destinations were full of crowds.
The town on India’s west coast was teeming, but there were a few less known beaches which were still pristine and beautiful and not overcrowded. The three were sitting together and watching the waves in the evening. The sunset was a sight for gods. A vendor came and offered them coffee and another came and offered steamed peanuts. They succumbed to the ministrations and took three cups of steaming coffee. They had already had their fun with water. Now they were sitting and waiting for their clothes to dry a bit. They were wet waist down and the clothes were drying fast in the warm sun and slight breeze blowing gently.
Then they started to walk on the long stretch. Anjan loved this time of the year. It was ‘me time’ and yet not ‘me time’… for he could enjoy with not a care in the world during these holidays but yet give not full expression to his being. His cousin sister Brittany lovingly called ‘Benny’, was an inspiration, a friend and a mentor to him. The third of the trio was Meena Nair, a long time friend from Kerala who shared many of his likes and was a creative person to the core.
Anjan was desperately keen about wanting to invest a couple of years or at least take up part-time studies in the prestigious IFTDCA (World famous Institute of Fashion Technology Design and Computer Applications) for his Post graduate studies. This would give a fillip to his lifelong dreams of being a foremost fashion designer in India and get a place in the world scene too. His interest in Computer applications was for his passion in the use of software in design and also give wings to his creative writing urges. He had already set up a E-magazine dedicated to the fashion field and he was in the process of nurturing a secret E magazine towards his hidden love. We will talk more about that soon.
Meena said to Anjan, “Anjie you have already taken the first step towards preparing for the entrance test and I know you will succeed in getting admitted’.
He was thoughtful. His brown eyes reflected anxiety, hope and intelligence. He looked at Meena and said, “I hope what you are saying is true. You know as well as I do that the competition is intense”.
Benny intervened and said, “Anjie, you have a natural eye and talent for design and it has to show up somewhere in the entrance test too”.
She remembered the visit to the institute when Anjan looked stricken and mesmerized by the imposing designer buildings, the hostel, the swimming pool, gym and the lush green surroundings interspersed with the brick red and brown facades. Meena too had accompanied them on that visit. Meena wanted to study there too. Meena and Benny remembered the visit to the products display in the institute. Anjan was looking with great respect and love at all the creations. They had attended the mini fashion show in the evening too. They saw Anjan was besotted as he looked at a mannequin in a beautiful lehenga choli and accessories.
They had seen a beyond normal interest and they had asked Anjan about it. “Anjie, you want to design that isn’t it?”
Anjan was thinking, “They don’t know what all I want”, as he nodded. But they instinctively knew.
“Anjie, my God, you don’t want to just design but also….” His well sculpted face started to colour up! “Anjie, wow, so you want to dress up in a lehenga?”…” Are you… “Gay”
“I am not gay Benny, Meena!” He protested.
Benny said, “Hey come on, you aren’t but I have been wondering about your interest in women’s clothes”
Meena chimed in, “That’s why you so love shopping with us. Your taste is superb… Come on Anjie admit it”…
He admitted that he wanted to dress up as a girl. He had tried cross-dressing with limited success in private. They were thrilled! “Anjie this makes you bond with us more, we will support and never laugh at you”. He blushed furiously. That is how his serious cross-dressing started, but always in secret and it was on rare, very rare occasions that he could wear a girls clothes outside home. Once on a holiday they were staying at an apartment and he wore girls clothes and went to the roof with them. It was one of the most exciting of times he had. Wow! He had full support of his cousin sister and friend.
Anjie’s ears were pierced and he often wore unisex ear studs which were acceptable in public. But he had many dreams and fantasies about cross-dressing which he was a bit hesitant to discuss even with his cousin sister and his friend, his well wishers. But they intuitively knew and wanted him to experience the full range of everything he had to do and wear to feel like a complete girl.
Their conversation while walking in the long beach continued.
Meena said, “Anjie besides preparation and hard work what else can be done to get admission in the coveted institute?”…
Before Anjan could answer Benny chipped in, “Invite good luck into his life for getting this!”.
Anjie asked, “How can I do that? Luck is luck. It may or may not come”.
Meena’s eyes were shining, “I know how!”.. She continued, “Many of my friends did something special to invite good luck!”..
“Hey what was this ‘special’ business?’ Asked Benny.
They were looking at Meena as she excitedly explained.
“You know that in India, there are many places people go to pray for good luck. People irrespective of their faith go to a Church called ‘Our Lady of Good health’ Church at Velankanni in Tamil Nadu for health, all go to Ajmer Darga though it is a sufi saint’s place in Rajasthan and they go to Shirdi Sai temple near Nasik in Maharashtra”..
“Go on”, Encouraged Anjan.
“Well there is a special temple in Kerala in a place called Kottakulangara. It is dedicated to the divine mother. People of all castes, creeds and colour go to that temple to fulfil a vow”… “And what is more, people of any gender and transgenders and cross-dressers go too. Some of my friends who undertook this vow got admission in institutions they desired and could go abroad and what not!”.
Benny made a face, “So it is a special temple for transpeople?”.
“No”, Said Meena. “It is a place where even normal menfolk go to complete their vow but they go dressed along with their family members as a girl, woman, whatever!”.
“But we are Christians and my Dad will never allow anything like this”. Said Anjan.
“We will see about that”. Replied Benny and Meena.
Anjan’s interest was kindled as he put a note (not that he needed to) on his mobile phone to look up more and understand about the place. A cursory search showed articles and YouTube video’s galore about some festival called ‘Chamayavilakku’.
Meena and Benny looked at each other meaningfully at that moment as an unspoken message passed between them. Anjan looked a little puzzled but kept his cool. Soon they all went home.
Meena saw her Dad at home and excitedly told him Anjie’s ambition to get admission just like her to this prestigious institute and that he too was attending coaching classes along with her. Her father enquired about what else he was doing to prepare.
“Dad, We are persuading him to consider visiting Kottakulangara Bhagawati temple to fulfil a vow he will take, provided his Dad allows him”.
‘So?’, “What do you want from me for that?” Snorted Mr. Nair, Meena’s father.
“Please Dad, can you speak to Uncle Desilva, Anjie’s father about this? After all even ‘bhaiyya’ has undertaken this vow for invoking the deity’s blessing in my life. Dad, all of you are doing so much for me. Bhaiyya will even visit the temple dressed….” She trailed off.
Her Dad along with a dismissive wave of his hand said, “OK, I will talk to Anjie’s father but I don’t know what he will say.”
Meena jumped up and hugged her Dad and said, “Dad, when you meet Uncle, my friend Benny also will be there and she will surely argue in favour of the vow”.
That evening Meena’s Dad Mr. Nair went to Anjan’s house for a cuppa. They were old friends. They were chatting when the topic of their children’s future came up too. Both fathers were very concerned about the keen interest of their children in getting admission in the highly ranked institute and knew that a PG degree from there is literally a passport to success in a career working in an organization or a start up or even working for oneself as a consultant or entrepreneur. Benny came with tea for the elders and Anjan’s mother joined in too. She was a kind, caring but firm person.
Mr. Nair started to talk about what all he was planning to do to assure admission for his daughter. Coaching classes which Anjan and Meena were already onto. Mr. Nair mentioned another friend who would help out in preparing for group discussions and interview. Anjan’s father asked if Anjan too could be mentored and the answer was affirmative by Mr. Nair. Mr. Nair talked about how for a portfolio preparation (of Menna’s creative work), another design firm’s owner, who was a friend, will be helping out. Anjan’s Dad was impressed at the level of interest Meena’s father was taking in giving it the best shot.
Then Benny interjected and said, “Uncle (addressing Anjan’s Dad), you do not know to what extent Meena is being supported by her family including her brother!”.
Mr. Nair appeared embarrassed. Anjan’s Dad looked quizzically at Benny. Benny started to explain
“See, near Meena’s native place in Kerala, there is this famous temple. Many people who seek boons go there and are rewarded when they fulfil their vow. This is especially true as many of Meena’s friends have had experience in getting coveted career paths after a vow there. In fact for the sake of Meena her brother is keeping a vow, as it is said that menfolk’s vow is special for the deity!”..
Anjan’s father said, “May I know what is the vow?”.
Nair shifted uncomfortably in his chair and started to speak explaining the temple, the background, the legend of the temple and how normal people keep a vow and during the month of march on certain days they become like a woman and take lit lamps and remain women for a few days and so on. He explained about the preparation his son will be doing for keeping the vow for his sister Meena, to get admission to the institute.
“So much so that my son, Menna’s brother, has decided to train himself by wearing the clothes of the opposite gender for months together at home to become comfortable and he is even pierced and wears ornaments like a Keralite girl. It is said that the ‘Bhagawati’ especially likes those who take great efforts to appear their best to be of the female gender and do their best to keep their vow!’.
Anjan’s father looked doubtful and Benny interjected. “Uncle, I think it is worth the effort and we are broad minded enough for all this. I remember you took us on that trip to the Ajanta Ellora caves and we could visit Shirdi temple too”.
Anjan’s mother commented, “I don’t mind the temple visit but this girl bit for Anjie seems a bit too much”.
Anjan’s father appeared thoughtful and Benny implored. “Uncle won’t it be nice if Anjie got admission in the institute?”.
It was then that Anjan’s mother addressed his father, “Dear, I think we should permit Anjie to take a shot at this. After all you are not going to undertake a vow, neither would I on his behalf and this strange powerful temple seems to prefer menfolk acting as women to fulfil the vow. Getting admission to this damn place seems to be, be all and end all in life for Anjie”.
Anjan’s Dad was swayed and surprised by his wife’s unlikely stand and he knew his wife always talked sense. Hence, his mind was made up and he snorted ” Hrrmmmh… So be it”.
Benny was thrilled beyond words but kept her composure as she said, “Thanks Uncle, I will take care of everything”.
Meena’s father said, “Don’t you all worry. I will take care of all the arrangements to visit the temple this coming March which would be well before the entrance exam.”
Benny went inside and took out her mobile and sent a WhatsApp message to Meena – Its on!
Meena replied – ‘wow, wow’…
Benny replied – ‘keep it a secret till we spring it together On Anjie tomorrow!’
‘Tomorrow’ came as the trio were to go to a Mall ostensibly for buying greeting cards and shopping. Anjie didn’t know what awaited him.
They went and browsed through a card shop and picked up a few cards and then they playfully told Anjan that they have a surprise waiting for him and have to blindfold him for that. He protested but they refused to listen to any of his objections. The mall was overflowing with people. They were regulars at two neighbouring outlets. Meena took her dupatta and wrapped it around Anjan’s face playfully and blind folded him.
Then they hissed at him, “You are in our hands for the next two hours and promise us that you will not protest”.
He did protest, “Hey, what are you guys going to do?”…
“Well you better know that we have your highest good and dreams in mind and now onwards shhhhh…. For next two hours!”…
Anjan was thinking what are my dreams and my ‘highest’ good? Well getting admission is one.. And my dream fantasy is to dress up in…..
They held his hands and pulled him into the first shop branded ‘She’!
Anjan was made to sit in a high chair and told not to open his eyes and they took off his T-shirt! “Guys what the hell are you doing?”..
“You have promised to keep quiet for two hours and so you better keep your word”, Scolded Benny.
Benny winked at their friend Lizzy, the owner of the shop; Lizzy was already briefed about their ‘project’ and given an advance call and warning and was all set! Anjan heard a small devise being switched and that caressed his bare body, legs, arms, face.… He realized it was a trimmer. Soon the sound stopped and he felt something being applied on his bare body. Something else on his face and he was in his beach shorts and felt hands applying something on his legs too. After sometime, it was being wiped clean. Mild different fragrances accompanied everything he experienced. He felt his hands being held and nails being trimmed as also his foot nails. Everything was happening at a break-neck speed. He started to guess that they were feminizing him.
“Guys..” He started.
Meena interrupted him, “Dude, stay quiet. And relax. We are not murdering you! We know what we are doing and everything is taken care of!”.
He felt his nails being painted. His face started getting the treatment. Pluck pluck… As he felt hairs in his eyebrows being pulled at.
“Guys I have to meet people, don’t do this”.
“Don’t worry it is barely a touch, just cleaning up, nothing to give it an arched shape!” Came the response.
His face was really being given a thorough makeover. Started to glow and look feminine. The girls giggled with glee.
He felt his ears being touched and something touched his upper ear just above his current stud, he sensed a cool feeling.
“Is this OK?” Asked Lizzy.
“Yeah”, Said Meena.
They held his head. Tack! Came the sound and he felt a sharp pain! His ear had a new piercing.
“I don’t want this guys, what the hell!”.
“We have already done so” said the girls. “One ear is asymmetric Anjie…”
Before he realized they had marked his other ear and, tack! Now both his ears sported double piercings. Shiny new diamond studs a little smaller that his main stud adorned his ears. More was to come.
The girls winked at each other as Meena asked, “Shall we? “And Benny nodded.
“Guys what are you up to now?” Asked Anjan in a pained voice.
Benny replied, “We have talked to your Dad and Mom… You just let go… Nothing to worry”..
“What?… Dad will kill me”, Shouted Anjan.
“I am telling you, trust me Anjie, Dad has said OK to your taking a vow as he cares for your admission to the institute. I had a tough time convincing them, but its done. Meena’s dad also talked and we have convinced your parents!”..
“Really? God I am scared. Are you speaking the truth. S…t. I will have to face the music at home and elsewhere”, Said Anjan.
“We have taken care of your home and Meena will ensure not a soul will ask you at the coaching institute” Said Benny.
“The word will spread and you don’t have to worry Anjie”, Chimed in Meena. “And don’t you want the double benefit of getting admission and also living your fantasy?”
He knew he was being feminized and the vow was the reason given to the world for the same! Anjan sighed and was resigned and yet there was a little voice inside him which said “Anjie, go the whole hog this time!”. He felt his face make up continuing. Something being stuck in the forehead and he felt a touch in his nose.
“Is this position OK?” asked Lizzy.
“A little more to the centre”, Replied Benny.
“Anjie, you are going to experience real pain now. You better not move your face by even a millimetre”, Said Meena.
Anjan was shocked and stunned into silence. He just knew what was coming. He wanted it and didn’t want it. His eyes were shut tightly and he simply gave up any struggle. He was expectant. He was tightened his facial muscles awaiting the pain. His head was held tightly by someone to help him cope with the pain and not shake his head. He felt the light touch of something sharp on his nostril. Felt fingers lift his nostril lightly and felt a metal slide into his nostril on the inside. Felt a sharp pain as the needle went in a jiffy. He screamed. The metal object within his nose prevented the needle touching any other portion. The needle was long and was left for seconds at the piercing as he felt the pain intensify as the heavy needle seemed to hang free. He yelped and tears came from his eyes. He felt something being detached from the needle and the needle sliding out as someone pulled at it. More was to come. He felt a massive pain as he felt something else being inserted into the piercing. He felt the same being rotated into position. Felt his blood come and smelt it too.
“Relax Anjie”, Came the reassuring voice of Benny. “Its more or less over unless you want something else too there”..
He felt and heard an insignificant click sound and his nose ring was adjusted and in place and clicked shut to make it a round smooth adornment. It was an experience like nothing ever in his life. He had wanted it all along and it was his now to savour, cherish, relive and enjoy. He felt the blood being wiped away by a tissue and something else being applied.
“This is an aloe vera preparation which will heal the piercing faster than anything else in the world Anjie” Came Lizzy’s voice.
But he was still in a bit of shock and uncertainty. He touched his nose ring and it was an ecstatic feeling again like nothing else in the world.
He asked, “Guys I am dead. How will I sport this in public?”
Meena replied, “We have already told you. Two weeks you don’t remove it or remove it in a couple of days and use a retainer. Anyway it is a holiday and we are with you escorting you everywhere! The retainer will keep the hole. I have and will take care of the institute friends. Benny will take care of family. You tell your other friends. But you wear a nose ring every night if you want to! In two weeks flat the piercing will heal thanks to aloe vera ointment”.
And Benny said, “You don’t have to show off the nose ring to everyone.” And Benny continued with a laugh, “See even Aamir khan sported a nose ring for the movie Thugs something. And I have seen pictures of that Macho Ranveer Singh sport a nose ring with chain”.
“I am nether Aamir nor Ranveer”, Said Anjan.
“To us you are more than both”, She replied.
He so so wanted to open his eyes and see his face. His ears. But his nose piercing and nose ring was what he wanted to see most. It was his dream and it was a reality now.
He asked, “Can I open my eyes now?”…
The girls said in chorus, “Not now”.
And he asked, “What do you mean by saying ‘unless you want something else there’?”
Benny asked in a naughty tone, “Anjie you can keep the nose piercing till march. By then the hole would have become permanent I hope. But you may not have an excuse to wear a nose ring at home. Right now the excuse is you are kind of practising to ready yourself and become familiar with girls a lot and so a nose ring or a retainer in public and at home is OK. This practice is for a vow you are undertaking for ‘inviting good luck’ visit to Chamayavilakku festival. So you may lose the right to wearing a nose ring afterwards”.
Meena said mirthfully, “Chamayavilakku is an annual affair. Anjie can always find an excuse next year saying he wants to go every year”.
“But you guys haven’t answered my question what did you mean when you said ‘unless you want something else there’?”.
Benny replied, “Anjie dear, you want a permanent affair with a nose piercing that nobody will object to?”
Curiosity piqued, Anjan said, “Tell me”.
Meena was giggling when Benny said with all seriousness, “You can have a septum piercing with a retainer now. No one can make out you have pierced your septum. The hole will remain. You can wear a septum ring whenever in life in secret or whatever you prefer. Tell me shall I ask Lizzy to do the needful?”.
Anjan was attracted and yet something was stopping him now, “Maybe I will think about it.. Maybe some other time”..
“OK“, The girls said in unison.
“But why are you guys not allowing me to open my eyes now?” Asked Anjan.
“We are not finished with you yet. You wanted beauty and were willing to undergo pain no?”
“Yes”, Answered Anjan bashfully.
“Well then we have planned something else too for you which is beautiful; and painful and yet hidden”, Said Meena.
“What?” Asked Anjan.
“We were planning a tattoo on your back to show up a beautiful back when you wear a low back blouse or choli”.
Anjan felt himself trembling with fear and pleasure. “OK. I will go with you. I am in your hands today”, He said tremulously.
Meena said, “That’s more like it”.
The pain pleasure of a tattoo in the back was thought of next. The plan was a beauty of a tattoo – a girls sketch with a pony tail and a disproportionate over sized love pendant hanging from her neck but flying away to make it a distinct tattoo element. But the pain was postponed to some other time. But then it was not to be! Not this time! The girls just used a sticker tattoo to meet the two hour deadline for now!
“Hey guys let me open my eyes now at least”, Said Anjan.
“Not now,” Came the reply. “We have to do more”.
“What conspiracy have you got in mind now girls?” Asked Anjan a little easier now.
The sharp earlier now dull pain in the nose was masking the pain of the ear piercing.
“Two hours is not over yet”. “OK“.
Meena signalled to Benny and was off to the next shop to pick up stuff. The shop was named ‘Her’s’! All that Anjie and the girls looked at in the institute display – stuff like the lehenga, Choli were there. And lingerie. She came back with the kit in 10 minutes flat. Meanwhile, Anjan could hear scissor cutting open a package. The girls took out something and giggled.
“Hey, now what?” Asked Anjan.
“Stand up dude”.
He obediently stood up. He felt something being slipped on from the top but it wasn’t a shirt or a bra. It was like a tight fitting kind of rubbery T-shirt and when it was being pulled down like a T-shirt over his chest he realized what it was! An artificial Breast. A reasonably heavy silicon one with the bounce and feel of a real one and he felt the weight of it on his front chest. He touched it and the nipples were so so real that he almost exulted “wow”. The girls were going to make him feel like a real girl! They were going to leave nothing at all to chance! Short of a Sex reassignment surgery! He didn’t want that after all (at least as of now)!
The bra came on next and held the breast and bit into his back. The boxers came off and on top of his jockey briefs girly panties were put. The choli came on. The lehenga. His fashionable neck length hair was pulled into a tight pony tail. They slipped in matching bangles on his wrists. Payal. Lovely shoes with slight heels came next. The matching dupatta was placed on his shoulders.
“Anjie, turn this way”.
He was helped to turn towards the mirror. He eyes were still closed. They were in time. Two hours was over.
“Open your eyes, Anjie, be surprised!”
Anjan slowly opened his eyes with trepidation! His reflection looked back at him. His ears shined with two studs in each ear. And Meena was standing beside holding a pair of Jhumkis from Kerala. Benny was standing with a neck chain with a love pendant. He was stunned into silence as Benny put the chain on his neck and tightened the clasp at the back and let the love sign hang at the centre just above his breasts! He touched his nose ring. A look and experience like no other! The virgin ring beckoned him into something! He loved his looks and feel; thought he was in seventh heaven!
His dreams had started to come true and he had barely taken the vow. He was wondering what life would hold for him. He looked at his sister Benny with grateful eyes. He looked at Meena and curbed the thought that came. She had accepted his cross dressing and fantasy. Could she be the girl in his life. His life partner and husband on occasions? He told himself to stop all these thoughts and enjoy the moment.
The girls and Lizzy said in Chorus, “You are now Ms. Anjie, welcome to this world!” As they welcomed him to their beautiful special world.
Epilogue:
Anjie went with Benny and Meena for the New Year’s party. ‘She’ danced to the music. The skirt swirled around her legs. Her breasts bounced. Her bangles tinkled in sync. Her payal chimed to the beats. Her jhumkis swung and kissed her cheeks and neck. Her love pendent bounced off her chest. There was a sweet fragrance in the air of deodorants. She had changed into a diamond encrusted nose ring gifted by Meena. As she closed her eyes and swayed slowly, the world started to vanish. The music started to quicken. The sensation of her beloved nose ring hugging her nostril was still palpable. It was soon her being and the music/rhythm alone. She gradually found herself vanishing too. There was just the silence of her being.
It was like neither she or he or it.…
Like an eternal energy and love alone of the universal self that was left………..
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